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Part 1 of 2012's best quips

As is becoming a tradition, the columns over Christmas and New Year's weeks look back at some of the funniest quips from the past 12 months. Here's Part I, the best from January through June. R.J. Currie of sportsdeke.

As is becoming a tradition, the columns over Christmas and New Year's weeks look back at some of the funniest quips from the past 12 months.

Here's Part I, the best from January through June.

R.J. Currie of sportsdeke.com: "Quarterback Ricky Ray, from Happy Camp, California, was traded to the Argos. He's no longer a happy camper." (This was from Jan. 9/12. After winning the Grey Cup, he's back to being a Happy Camper/)

Len Berman of ThatsSports.com, on threatened protests in Montreal because Canadiens coach Randy Cunneyworth doesn't speak French: "Nobody knew what Casey Stengel was saying, either, and nobody picketed Yankee Stadium."

Mike Bianchi of the Orlando Sentinel: "Will everybody please stop all of this crazy talk about Peyton Manning going to the New York Jets? This would be like Einstein enrolling at Mississippi State."

R.J. Currie again: "Ken Dryden told Sportsnet 590 that hockey needs to do more to cut down on brain damage. The NHL has responded by asking Dryden to stay off the radio."

Steve Rushin of SI.com, via Twitter, with hockey salutations: "Happy 110th birthday to Frank Zamboni, who left us in 1988 but still resurfaces periodically."

Comedy writer Jim Barach: "A woman was arrested after reportedly trying to extort Yankees GM Brian Cashman. Now Cashman knows how fans feel when they go to buy a hot dog and beer at a Yankees game."

Among the top 10 questions to ask yourself before spending $16,000 on a Super Bowl ticket, from CBS's David Letterman: "Do they have anything in the more affordable $15,000 range?"

Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on rapper 50 Cent saying he won $500,000 betting on the Giants to beat the 49ers: "I'd be tempted to say 50 Cent has terrific luck, except for the fact he's been shot something like 37 times."

Scott Ostler of the San Francisco Chronicle: "Tim Tebow won't play in the Pebble Beach AT&T, and that's too bad. Now there's nothing to hold back the storms."

Comedian Argus Hamilton, after commissioner Roger Goodell said that the NFL's revenue-sharing among teams amounts to socialism: "He's right. However, 600 guys splitting up $10 billion isn't exactly the way Karl Marx diagramed the play on the chalkboard."

TNT's Conan O'Brien, after supermodel Gisele Bundchen asked people to pray for her husband to win the Super Bowl: "In response, God said, 'You know what, I think I've done enough for Tom Brady.' "

ABC's Jimmy Kimmel, on the appeal of the Westminster Dog Show: "It combines the excitement of people walking dogs to the thrill of dogs sitting perfectly still."

Tom Cuddy of Boston's WBZ Radio, on the Archdiocese of Montreal buying newspaper ads encouraging parishioners to ask God to help the last-place Canadiens: "At least they're in the prayoffs."

John Hawkins of golfchannel.com, on the Jeremy Lin hullaballoo: "For those who don't understand all the fuss, imagine Jonas Blixt winning the Masters and U.S. Open."

Norman Chad of the Washington Post, unearthing a little-known fact at the Westminster Kennel Club dog show: "The Australian Terrier chases his tail counterclockwise."

Janice Hough of leftcoastsportsbabe.com: "President Obama spoke recently at University of Miami, where it was 83 degrees. He loved the weather, saying "I don't know how you guys go to class. It's too nice outside." And Miami football players responded: "Class?"

CBS's David Letterman, on the reason behind actress Reese Witherspoon's visit to the Bronx Bombers' spring-training camp: "The Yankees are taking a look at her as a possible Alex Rodriguez girlfriend."

Barach again: "Former Major League star Lenny Dykstra has been sentenced to three years in prison for car theft. He says it's still better than being traded to the Cubs."

Jimmy Fallon again, on the electrical blaze at Fenway Park: "Instead of calling 911, Boston fans just heckled the fire until it left."

Janice Hough of leftcoastsportsbabe.com: "San Diego Chargers QB Philip Rivers just enthusiastically endorsed Rick Santorum for President. The NFL is reviewing tapes to see if the Saints or any other team gave him a particularly hard hit to the head."

Another one from Barach: "The Washington Nationals will be selling an eight-pound "Strasburger" named after pitcher Stephen Strasburg. In a related story, the Yankees are thinking of naming their overpriced hot dogs after Alex Rodriguez."

The Cleveland Browns announced that they will not pursue Peyton Manning. Said Bianchi: "In related news, I am announcing that I will not pursue Penelope Cruz."

Brad Miller, a congressman from North Carolina who happens to be a UNC alumnus: "If Duke was playing against the Taliban then I'd have to pull for the Taliban."

Scott Ostler again: "It was rumoured the Jets were jealous of Linsanity and wanted to trump it with Timsanity. Done. New York has cemented its claim as the world capital of sports-related mental disorders."

Currie again: "The Government of Canada is phasing out the penny. This will end great Canadian traditions like penny jars, penny-ante poker and CFL signing bonuses."

Fallon, on the Mets' 4-0 start: "I don't want to say it's surprising, but today the Mets tested themselves for steroids."

Another one from Bianchi: "The Miami Marlins opened up their new ballpark this season and fans were so excited they sold out one straight game."

Comedy writer Alex Kaseberg: "Los Angeles Laker, Metta World Peace, has been suspended for seven games for throwing a vicious elbow at the head of Oklahoma player, James Harden. For three days Harden's head hurt like a Kardashian on Jeopardy."

Words of wisdom from poker legend Amarillo Slim, who passed away recently in Texas: "When you sit down at the poker table, look around for the sucker. If you don't see one, get up and leave - you're the sucker."

R.J. Currie again: "Reuters reports a British man spent five years building a high-performance vehicle from scratch - despite being blind. So what's Leafs GM Brian Burke's excuse?"

Brad Dickson of the Omaha (Neb.) World-Herald, on the unlikely friendship of golfer Bubba Watson and singer Justin Bieber: "I'm not sure where Watson and Bieber met, but we can pretty much rule out a barber shop."

Bumper sticker, as spotted by blogger Michael Higgins: "Always give 100 %, except when donating blood."

Fallon, after Snoop Dogg threw out the ceremonial first pitch at a White Sox game: "And as predicted, the pitch was pretty high."

Headline at TheOnion.com: "Phoenix Coyotes pretend homeless drifters at Greyhound bus station are fans welcoming team home."

Janice Hough of leftcoastsportsbabe.com: " I heard since he's heading out to stud at such a young age I'll Have Another was just named the official horse of the NBA."

R.J. Currie: "Sidney Crosby will reportedly be offered a 10-year deal worth $90 million. It's conditional on Penguins management having their heads examined."