It was the strangest thing. When I write I usually am able to express more plainly and evidently what I think or feel as opposed to simply talking with someone. But, I had never before had tears come to my eyes as I relayed my thoughts to a page.
The other day after my two good friends got married I awoke in the morning and decided to write them a short note, which turned into a three page letter. I thought through my words, but felt it was important to tell them how fantastic they are and let them know why I would come three days before their wedding to help with absolutely anything I could.
That morning I was sitting in their house, everyone else was asleep because we had been up very late the night before cleaning up the hall; but, I had a long drive ahead and kind of just wanted to get home. I awoke to an alarm and had planned to leave right away, but something was tugging at my mind. I realized the card I had written them was too generic. It congratulated them, wished them the best, and ended in "Love, Kelly." It wasn't enough.
I felt that they deserved more, so I found a pen and paper and began to write. So often in the world with text messaging, Facebook, Twitter, etc... we assume that writing can't fully articulate our thoughts and feelings because there are no indicators as to how someone intends the words to be read. Were they meant to be sarcastic or true, was the person sad or mad when writing? It's impossible to know.
Yet, as I sat there writing my friends this letter, I wrote from the heart. I didn't use shorthand or acronyms, I simply wrote. I think this is something that is missing from the world today. People don't just sit down and write to others in a way that expresses themselves. It's not a quick message on Facebook, "Hey, how are you?" but a heartfelt expression of why you miss them or why they're important to you.
I had left the letter where they could easily find it and quietly took off for home, so as not to wake anyone. Later that day they returned to their house to prepare for their gift opening and would discover it. As they read my one friend began to cry, now I jokingly included that this was the intention of the letter; but, really I had only written that line because the tears in my eyes started to swell as I wrote.
Now, to understand why is because both of these girls had not been out when I met them. They had each dated a couple of guys and were simply best friends, but something developed between them and their love grew. They are classified as a same sex couple.
Regardless of who they love, they are two of the greatest people I know. I had two years to recognize them as amazing people before they started dating and this was enough. They're loving, kind, passionate, funny, and not afraid to be themselves, or at least so I thought.
I remember the day that my friend told me she and her best friend were a couple, they had been for about half a year already and I remember thinking something was going on but didn't want to push them. They would tell me when they were ready. It was in the evening and she came to my room asking, through sobs, if we could talk. She was trying to keep her composure but was failing at this.
We sat on my bed and I watched as this completely fearless person, in my mind, who was not afraid to stand up for her friends or look like an idiot in class dressing up as a unicorn for bio lab just because her and some others thought it was funny, was now sitting there crying so hard she could barely breathe.
All that went through my mind was that her entire family must have been in an accident or that she herself had been in a car accident and had killed someone. How could someone cry that hard, unless it was literally the end of the world?
She finally got herself together enough to speak, and simply told me her and her best friend were actually a couple. I found myself so relieved that everyone was ok, no one was hurt, that she had simply fallen in love I started laughing a little and gave her a huge hug telling her not to worry about anything, that I didn't care, and proceeded to relay what had been flashing through my mind prior to her being able to tell me, which made her laugh too.
I realized later that I was the cause of her crying so hard that day, that because we were friends she was worried about my reaction to this news. I was the reason she was almost unable to breathe through her tears as she tried to tell me that she had simply fallen in love with her best friend. They both would have had to do this with all of their friends and family, which would have been extremely difficult.
I couldn't even imagine what kind of strength that takes. To have to tell someone you love something which could change their entire opinion of you, while having no idea if this is the case. It is something that is truly fearless, to be yourself in a world that doesn't always approve.