She breezes into the auditorium flashing her 1,000-watt smile. At the back of the room are display racks filled with products that make up her lifestyle brand: books, fashion and fragrances.
The crowd falls silent as she begins to speak. Her theme: motherhood. Her focus: how the challenges can be made so much better by breathing in the aroma of her candles, filling a tub with her specially sourced bath salts and soaking in the wisdom of her books.
She can totally relate to your struggles. Her children are so busy she spends countless hours behind the wheel of her SUV driving them from soccer to saxophone to swimming. They are bright so she is seeking multiple language tutors to enhance their education.
Balancing all of that while presiding over her empire shaping the image of motherhood leaves her wondering if she left the correct list of tasks out for the maid, because she just hasn't had a moment to collect her thoughts. She laments not having nearly enough time to work out or get a decent pedicure. She flashes her smile, gives a knowing wink and asks her audience, "You know what I'm talking about. Am I right? "
Okay, so I'm exaggerating a bit, but when did we give over the ideal picture of motherhood to a bunch of celebrities and their stylists, or decide that having active kids makes us martyrs?
My anticipation in hearing an author and speaker a few years ago turned to frustration when she spent the first 15 or so minutes complaining how hard it was to be a mom. The worst came the "awful, awful day" her vehicle got a flat tire at the dry cleaner just before picking up her daughter at ballet class, prior to grabbing takeout so they could get to family tennis lessons.
While having to wait for the Auto Club, she decided (and she told us this delightedly) "to take the merry with the mayhem." I was done.
Many parents know the balancing act required to keep home, jobs and activities running. It is exhausting at times. But if it is something we get to do…let's be grateful. It means our children are able to take part in these tasks. They can learn, achieve, run, have fun, make friends and dream dreams. What a busy, costly, stressful yet totally amazing adventure that is.
There are other parents whose daily life looks so different because of challenges that are part of their parenting experience. Illness. Disability. Poverty. Addiction. Dysfunction. Homelessness.
Is motherhood tough? Yes. But to characterize a day of being able to drive your children to activities in safety, to watch them pursue their interests, and then to deal with the annoyance of a flat tire as an "awful, awful day" stretched my patience. Inconvenient? Absolutely. Mayhem? Not even close.
My mom was young when she was widowed. She had two teenagers to raise, a career to resume, and a future she didn't expect. I can only imagine the emotion of Mother's Day that year, coming to terms with parenting alone. How many mothers will face that this weekend? How many mothers confront this day after the loss of a child? How many are heading into this after losing their mom?
Because of restrictions, Mother's Day, again this year, won't be what most hope for. Then again, the expectations of the day don't fit the reality for many in any given year. Being a mom is so much more than one day can begin to appreciate, because there is no one-size-fits-all mom and we need to mute the voices telling us otherwise.
Raising responsible, caring, ethical kids from children to adulthood is not easy. Good parenting requires sacrifice, patience, grace and an unwavering commitment to doing what is best--not what may come easiest.
Some circumstances are terribly hard. Heart-wrenching situations can accurately be described as truly awful. But along with that is tremendous joy, infectious laughter, and amazing milestones. Motherhood is the opportunity to accompany our children through all of it. What makes it so important is what is at stake — our children — and the future we hope they will have.
Whatever your day looks like Sunday, make it yours. Shut out voices that are trying to tell you you’re not doing it right. Being a mom isn't a lifestyle brand. It is life. And it matters. That's my outlook.
