By Shelley Luedtke
Raise your hand if you recall a time when TV stations announced, "We now conclude our broadcast day." Does that mean people actually turned off their TV at some point? Some can't imagine a time when there wasn't the sound of 24-hour programming.
There are some unique sounds that school-age children today have likely never heard: the tick-tick-tick of a filmstrip running through a projector, the swoosh of a rotary phone being dialled, or the ringing of a cash register. As well, they don't have a frame of reference for words like Yuppies, Walkmans or the phrase 'Be Kind, Rewind." But I wonder if there aren't a host of other things some children have never heard--and the results are far more consequential.
Things like the word "no." Growing numbers of parents have, for years, felt it wrong to say no to their child. It hurts their self-esteem. It shuts down their initiative. It makes them unhappy. The consequence is children never having learned how to deal with disappointment or how to engage with people when things don't go their way.
"We're not spending money on that." Anyone who has been in a store with a child has likely heard pleas for whatever object catches their eye, and the child learns quickly exactly what form those appeals need to take to achieve success. A parenting movement encourages giving the child what they ask for because it reinforces in them the notion that their parents can be counted on to meet their needs.
"Yes, you need to do it, and you need to get it done on time." College professors and employers are reporting a staggering increase in the number of calls they are getting from parents of young adults giving excuses and demanding preferential treatment for their offspring. Parents have become more like lobbyists and agents who intervene to get deadlines abolished, grades changed or extra days off. Some young adults aren't maturing the way they need to because they aren't learning to negotiate their own way in the world. Behavioural scientists say we have now extended adolescence to the age of 25.
Our children deserve better--and our future requires better. But lest we look sideways at the children or the parents raising them, we need to examine the context in which this has taken place.
Longer ago than we might want to admit we set aside foundational values. We replaced family time with activity. We decided it was more important children like us than honour us. We made deadlines and accountability optional. We turned conspicuous consumption into the mark of success. We replaced work ethic and aspiration with codling and hovering. Instead of giving children roots and wings we have tethered them to shallow ground. Ground that doesn't have enough depth to deal with the tough stuff, nor the richness of soil from which self-reliant buds can sprout.
The truth is though, that not only are there things our children need to hear, they are the things adults need to hear as well. Things like: "No." "We're not spending money on that." "Yes, you need to get that done."
We may not like being told 'no' any more than our children would, but we need to recognize the important example that can be set with gracious disappointment, rather than demanding things go our way. What a disservice we are doing to our children if they don't see us model courteous behaviour. Or we may feel we should not have to wait to save the money to do something we want to do, but just take a look at consumer debt or the rising national debt. We need to learn, and teach subsequent generations, that money is not limitless, but the satisfaction it ultimately gives is quite limited. And yes, adults encounter deadlines; not just on the job but in every committee, organization and relationship we have. It's part of interacting with others and being someone who can be counted on.
There are sounds I have never heard and words that have gone out of use I wouldn't recognize. But I am the beneficiary of hearing words children need to hear. Most of us are. So let's ensure our voice continues to be heard in encouraging parents who are saying what needs to be said. That's my outlook.
